


The hurt of being me

by Peteyandmj



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Flash is not that hearless, Hurt Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Pepper Potts's Biological Child, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Suicide, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peteyandmj/pseuds/Peteyandmj
Summary: requested by @nottodaysatan
Relationships: Betty Brant & Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Flash Thompson, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Pepper Potts & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	The hurt of being me

3 days. That's the time he's passed laying in his bedroom floor. Since he received that awful call that made him want to go with her to wherever she went, since he discovered that she took her life away. 3 days since she's been gone, forever, no tuning back, he wouldn't see her getting mad at him because he wanted to kiss her instead of studying for the decathlon meeting anymore.

He wouldn't see her smile when they turned that corner near her house where the 3 same kittens always were anymore.

She wouldn't heal his wounds when he returned from patrol anymore.

They wouldn't get the chance to live together, or have a dog, or have a wedding, or have kids.

3 years of relationship and his heart went away with her. 

-Petey- Pepper entered her son's room, tears coming to her eyes again when she saw he was still on the floor- Peter please you have to eat something 

Peter didn't even move. Pepper sighed and laid down next to him.

-I don't know what else to say to you- Pepper said- Baby I need you to get up.

-And I need her- Peter said almost in a whisper 

-I know you do- Pepper said

-And...I only feel pain mom- Peter said tears skipping his eyes again- But everyone is waiting for me to do something and I can't...I can't do it.

Pepper approached him and hugged him.

************

-MJ was the love of my life- Peter said, watching all the sad faces of people dressed in black looking back at him- I remember telling my mom she was It for me when I came back from our third date and I also remember my mom saying that I was crazy that we only were 15- that made some people smile- But it was true...still true to this day. MJ was a really closed off person to the public, but in close door she was the most amazing woman anyone could ask for, she was kind, funny in a kind of dorky way, she also was the prettiest girl I've had ever met, she not only was the love of my life, but she was also my best friend, my confidant, my boss most of the time. I remember the morning after her 17th birthday, I don't remember her talking about having a family ever, but that morning she said something about how cute our babies would be and I got so exited she ended up tapping my mouth with tape so I would shut up- He turned a little to the photo of his girlfriend admiring the beautiful smile she had in it, he took that photo the day of junior prom...they didn't actually go to the prom because it wasn't MJ's scene but they went to Malibu in one of Tony's private jets and had the best night ever- I will miss you more than words could explain my love. I'm yours, forever.

After his speech Peter went to sit down again next to his parents, taking the glasses his dad was handling him and putting them on, he knew there would be paparazzi when they got out, and he wasn't in the mood to let them see how hopelessly devastated he was and his eyes spoke for him. He couldn't listen to MJ's mom, he couldn't listen to anybody all he heard was white noise.

Everywhere he looked reminded him of her, she was everywhere, every second of his days and it hurt him even more because he knew he would never see her or touch her again. 

He couldn't stay to the service either, he couldn't stand people's petty stare nor their I'm sorrys so he went home with Pepper and Tony, hoping to just stay in his bed for the rest of his life.

One week later, he still wasn't going to school and he wasn't planing on it any time soon either, and he was in the living room watching TV when the question was made.

-Petey- Morgan climbed into his lap and watched him curiously 

-Yes?- Peter asked holding her so she wouldn't fall down

-Why doesn't Em come around anymore?- Morgan asked, Em was the nickname Morgan had for MJ, when his favorite girls met Morgan was still to little to know how to pronounce a J so she just called her M and he guesses the nickname just got stuck- Is she mad at you? What did you do?

Peter's breath was taken away and his eyes started to get teary and Morgan frowned.

-Did I make you sad Petey?- Morgan asked- I didn't want to upset you

-No no Morgan is not that- Peter said, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence, how did he explain a six year old that she isn't going to see one of her favorite people in the world ever again. 

-Moguna what did we say about overwhelm Petey- Tony said sitting next to his kids

-I'm sorry- Morgan said hugging Peter, her face directed to their father, Peter rested his chin in her head surrounding her with his arms- I only wanted to know why Em doesn't come around anymore.

Tony went rigid at the little girl's question a shoot a look to his older kid who just nodded.

-Look Morg- Tony said- This may be difficult to understand, the moment that you don't you stop me okay?

-Yes daddy- Morgan said, Peter knew she would understand his sister was so smart, what he didn't know is if he was prepared for her to understand.

-You remember what mommy and I told you when you asked the same question about your grandparents? 

-Yes, you said they went to heaven with all the angels- Morgan said smiling

-Well, MJ is now there too- Tony said and Morgan frowned 

-But I thought only really old people went there- Morgan added

-Normally- Tony said

-So why did Em went? Was she not happy here?- Peter bit his lip and a tear rolled down his cheek- Does that mean I can't see her ever again?

\- When the time comes you will see her Morg- Tony said- In a lot lot of years.

-But I want her now- Morgan said crossing her arms and starting to tear up, Peter hugged her closer to him.

-I want her too Mo- Peter said 

The real challenge began when everybody started to ask why she did it one month after her death. She was all over TV and the newspaper and in the mouth of half of New York, she was the talk of the city. Even his name changed to, poor boyfriend, he always heard those two stupid words. 

He was going crazy. 

-Peter your phone is ringing- Pepper said when they were in Friday movie night

-Oh sorry- Peter went to hang up when he saw the photo and the name in his phone screen, he started to feel dizzy.

-Peter- Tony said when he realized his son was hyperventilating

-MJ....calling- Peter said starring at the phone- I....

-Honey you need to slow down- Pepper said putting a sleeping Morgan next to her carefully and then going next to Peter- It's okay, breath with me.

Tony grabbed Peter's phone seeing MJ's name and a cute photo of her popping up. He took the call.

-Whoever this is, it's not fucking funny- Tony said, Peter was full on crying trying to not pass out from how hard he was finding to breath.

-I'm so sorry Tony- the voice of MJ's mom came up from the other line- I didn't think... oh god I'm so stupid it's Peter okay? 

Tony softened when he heard MJ's mom talking.

-It's okay Bonnie- Tony said 

-It's just... I didn't have his number and I have MJ's phone- Bonnie said- And I need it to talk to him because I wanted to know if he would like to keep some of MJ's shirts.

The poor woman was going through hell and back and still thought about his son.

-I think he would really like that, thank you Bonnie- Tony said 

-Is he really okay?- Bonnie asked- I didn't want to...

-Bonnie it's okay really- Tony said- Take care, and call if you ever need anything I mean it.

-I will- Bonnie said

Tony hanged up and Peter seemed more calmed 

-Bambino it's okay- Tony said getting to his side- It was just MJ's mom, she wanted to give you some of MJ's shirts.

Half an hour later Peter calmed down 

-I can't do this- Peter said looking at his parents- I can't do this without her, I feel like I'm drowning and there's just not getting out. And I need to breath I need it so bad, and I can't because she's not here.

-Petey- Pepper said caressing his locks- I know it doesn't seems so right now, but it will be okay eventually. 

**************************  
He didn't know when he decided to go back to school, but he guessed it was better than just stay home wondering why all of this happened.

-You sure you're going to be okay in here?- Ned asked him

-Yes, go to class I'll be just fine- Peter said, Ned nodded and went away to his class, he stared to walk to his first class of the day when he saw MJ's locker... full of pictures of her and flowers and teddy bears. God she hated those things, why did they put teddy bears there? He got close to her locker feeling his lungs closing again, he fell in front of the flowers.

-Parker!!!- Flash said when he saw him fall on his knees, he approached him- Parker, breath men, you're okay.

People were starting to stare at them.

-They put teddy bears- Peter said, tears falling from his eyes and sobbing- She...she hated them

-We will take away the teddy bears- Flash reassured and turned around to the people that were watching them- There's nothing to see here people keep going with your fucking day!!!!

People started to walk after the rang bell

-Peter you need to breath- Flash tried- Listen we can take away the teddy bears, and then we're going to the principal's office so he can call your mom so you can go home. Works for you?

Peter nodded, trying to calm his breathing, come on Peter get it together they're just fucking teddy bears.

When he got home and his mom left him alone, he didn't think it twice, he couldn't live like this getting panic attack from seeing teddy bears in a locker, feeling this sad. He took the blade out of his razor and was determined to just get it over with. Just when he was about to make the first cut a hand was placed in top of his.

-Baby you don't want to do that- that voice...

-MJ- he whispered, she was in front of him- Wha... You're dead

-I am- MJ said- But this is you're imagination so you can touch me

-I'm going crazy?- Peter asked her

-It's just a defense of your brain, because you don't want to do this- MJ said taking the blade out of his hand- You have people who love you, think about how Morgan, Pepper and Tony, what will they do without you? Do you imagine how terrified you'll leave your mom if she finds you bleeding out on the floor?

-You didn't care about that!!!- Peter screamed- You left me here!! What am i supposed to do huh?!?! I don't want to fucking live anymore.

-Baby- MJ said caressing his cheek

-Why did you do it?- Peter asked crying now- Was it me?

-Baby you were the only one that kept me here- MJ said- I just really got to a point where it just wasn't enough 

-Why didn't you talked to me?- Peter said- I could have fixed it

-You really couldn't- MJ said- Everything will be okay Petey, I'm okay where I am now...I just need you to be happy

-I can't be happy without you

-You can-MJ said- And you will be, for me, you will make the best of your life, meet a new girl, go to MIT, have a big wedding, a lot of spider kids, and when the time comes I will be waiting for you.

Peter sobbed into her lap and when he got his head up again she wasn't there anymore.

Life got a little better, he still felt a part of him was missing. And no one ever filled it his heart stayed broken for the rest of his life

He met Gwen and his heart was still broke.

They day he graduated from MIT his heart was still broken.

When Gwen said yes to his marriage proposal his heart was still broken.

In their wedding day he just imagined for a moment that MJ was the one walking down the aisle, don't get him wrong he loved Gwen he just loved MJ more.

When they got their first child into the world his heart was still broken, and with the second and with the third.

Even when he had gray hairs and his grandkids were running in his backyard.

When his life came to and end he found himself in a green field filled with beautiful flowers.

-Took you long enough loser- MJ said behind him, she was wearing the white flowered dress she wore in their first date, he was also back to being 18 which was great, Peter ran to her twirling her in the air making her giggle. He kissed her...he kissed her!!!

-Hi- Peter whispered into her lips

-Hi- MJ said smiling

-Where are we?- Peter asked

-The afterlife?- MJ said- I don't really know.

He kissed her again...and he felt his heart full again.


End file.
